01
(Essay)
Honored
To the woman who carries too much: what Islam says she is owed, by the Book and by the life of its Messenger ﷺ.
By Mike Rashid King • Allah's Humble Servant
To the woman reading this
You may not be Muslim. You may have grown up hearing that Islam is the last place a woman should look for dignity. I understand why. The pictures most people see are of men who use this religion as a weapon, and I will not defend them. I will come back to them before the end.
But I want to show you what the Book actually says about you, and what the man who brought it actually did. Not what anyone's culture says. Not what a headline says. The text, and the life. Then you can decide.
I am writing to the woman who carries too much. Who works all day and comes home to a second shift. Who was told she could have everything and found that she was expected to do everything. Who has been judged by her face since she was twelve. Who gave her best years to a man who never committed. Who raises children, cares for parents, holds a family together, and is rarely thanked. You deserve to know what you were owed.
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Honored before you did anything
وَلَقَدْ كَرَّمْنَا بَنِىٓ ءَادَمَ
Wa laqad karramna bani Adam
And We have certainly honored the children of Adam. (Surah Al-Isra 17:70, its opening)
The honor comes first. Before your job title, your body, your marriage or your usefulness to anyone, Allah honored you. You did not earn it, so no one can take it.
يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقْنَٰكُم مِّن ذَكَرٍۢ وَأُنثَىٰ وَجَعَلْنَٰكُمْ شُعُوبًۭا وَقَبَآئِلَ لِتَعَارَفُوٓا۟ ۚ إِنَّ أَكْرَمَكُمْ عِندَ ٱللَّهِ أَتْقَىٰكُمْ
Ya ayyuhan-nasu inna khalaqnakum min dhakarin wa untha wa ja'alnakum shu'uban wa qaba'ila li-ta'arafu, inna akramakum 'indallahi atqakum
O mankind, We created you from a male and a female and made you peoples and tribes so that you may know one another. The most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most mindful of Him. (Surah Al-Hujurat 49:13)
Not the richest. Not the most beautiful. Not the man. The most mindful of Allah. A woman can stand higher than every man in the room by that measure, and many have.
Umm 'Umarah of the Ansar came to the Prophet ﷺ and said: I see that everything is for the men, and I do not see anything mentioned for the women. The answer came down, naming men and women side by side, ten times over: the Muslim men and the Muslim women, the believing men and the believing women, the truthful men and the truthful women, the patient men and the patient women, the men who give and the women who give, the men who fast and the women who fast, the men who remember Allah much and the women who remember. For all of them, forgiveness and a great reward (Al-Ahzab 33:35). And again: never will I let the work of any worker among you be lost, whether male or female. You are of one another (Aal Imran 3:195).
The Prophet ﷺ said: Allah does not look at your faces or your wealth. He looks at your hearts and your deeds.
Quran 33:35 · Jami at-Tirmidhi 3211 · Hasan (Darussalam) · Quran 3:195 · Sahih Muslim 2564c
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The weight you were never meant to carry alone
Here is something many women have never been told. In Islam, providing for the household is the duty of the man. Not shared by default. His.
وَعَلَى ٱلْمَوْلُودِ لَهُۥ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ
Wa 'alal-mawludi lahu rizquhunna wa kiswatuhunna bil-ma'ruf
And upon the father is their provision and their clothing, in a fair manner. (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:233, a part)
Food, clothing and a home for the mother of his children, by right, according to his means (At-Talaq 65:6). When Hind bint 'Utbah complained that her husband was stingy, the Prophet ﷺ did not tell her to be grateful for what she got. He told her to take from his wealth what was enough for her and her children, reasonably.
Quran 2:233 · Quran 65:6 · Sahih al-Bukhari 5359
And her own money stays hers. She may work, trade, build and own, and none of it becomes his by marriage. When she marries, she is given the mahr, a gift that is hers alone: give women their bridal gifts graciously (An-Nisa 4:4). When her parents die, she inherits by right: for women there is a share of what parents and relatives leave, an obligatory share (An-Nisa 4:7). Fourteen centuries ago, in a land where women were themselves inherited like property, this was revolution. Allah ended that too: it is not lawful for you to inherit women against their will (An-Nisa 4:19).
She keeps her own name. The Prophet's ﷺ first wife was Khadijah bint Khuwaylid, the daughter of her own father, all her life. She was a merchant who hired him to trade for her, and it was she who proposed to him.
Quran 4:4 · Quran 4:7 · Quran 4:19
If you are a woman working full time and still carrying the house, the bills and the children, I am not telling you to stop working. I am telling you that the weight you carry was never put on you by Allah. It was put on a man, and he will answer for it.
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Your yes belongs to you
The Prophet ﷺ said a woman who has been married before is not married again without consulting her, and a woman who has never married is not married without her permission.
Khansa bint Khidam's father married her to a man she did not want. She went to the Prophet ﷺ, and he cancelled the marriage.
Sahih al-Bukhari 5136 · Sahih al-Bukhari 5138
A forced marriage is not Islam. It was undone by the Messenger of Allah ﷺ himself.
And her way out belongs to her too. The wife of Thabit ibn Qays came to the Prophet ﷺ and said: I find no fault in his character or his religion, but I cannot stay with him. He asked her: will you give back the garden he gave you? She said yes, and he told Thabit to accept it and release her. She did not need to prove abuse. She did not need her husband's permission. She needed to be honest, and to return the gift.
Now set that beside what many women live today. Years with a man who will not commit. No promise, no witnesses, no responsibility, and when it ends she walks away with nothing while he walks away with no cost. Allah calls marriage a mithaqan ghaliza, a solemn covenant (An-Nisa 4:21). It is the same phrase He uses for the covenant He took from the prophets (Al-Ahzab 33:7). A man who wants you is required to stand up in front of your family, your witnesses and his Lord, give you a gift, and take on your care for life. Anything less was never the offer.
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How you must be treated
وَمِنْ ءَايَٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًۭا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةًۭ وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَءَايَٰتٍۢ لِّقَوْمٍۢ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
Wa min ayatihi an khalaqa lakum min anfusikum azwajan li-taskunu ilayha wa ja'ala baynakum mawaddatan wa rahmah, inna fi dhalika la-ayatin li-qawmin yatafakkarun
And among His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, so that you may find rest in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. In that are signs for people who reflect. (Surah Ar-Rum 30:21)
Rest, affection and mercy. That is what a marriage is for. And Allah commands the men plainly: live with them in kindness (An-Nisa 4:19).
The Prophet ﷺ said: the best of you is the one who is best to his family, and I am the best of you to my family. He said: the most complete of the believers in faith is the one with the best character, and the best of you are the best to their women. And he said: I urge you to take good care of women.
Jami at-Tirmidhi 3895 · Sahih (Darussalam) · Jami at-Tirmidhi 1162 · Hasan (Darussalam) · Sahih al-Bukhari 5186
Read that standard again. A man's religion is measured by how he treats the women in his house. Not by how loud he prays in public. By how his wife would describe him.
And his wife 'A'ishah said of him: the Messenger of Allah ﷺ never struck anyone with his hand, not a woman and not a servant.
That is the man Muslims are commanded to follow. I wrote to the men about exactly what they owe you in Treat Her Well.
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More than your face
You have been graded on your looks since before you could vote. The magazine, the feed, the man across the bar, the filter on your own phone. You know the exhaustion of it.
Islam answers it from the other direction. Before Allah speaks to women about modesty, He speaks to men.
قُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا۟ مِنْ أَبْصَٰرِهِمْ وَيَحْفَظُوا۟ فُرُوجَهُمْ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَزْكَىٰ لَهُمْ
Qul lil-mu'minina yaghuddu min absarihim wa yahfazu furujahum, dhalika azka lahum
Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their chastity. That is purer for them. (Surah An-Nur 24:30)
The men first. The burden of the gaze is put on the one doing the looking. Then the believing women are told the same, and to cover their adornment (An-Nur 24:31). Modesty in Islam is not a cage put on a woman because men cannot control themselves. Men are commanded to control themselves. Modesty is a woman refusing to let her worth be set by strangers. She decides who sees her beauty. Everyone else deals with her mind.
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Her mind
Islam began in a woman's arms. When the first revelation came and the Prophet ﷺ came home shaking, it was Khadijah who covered him, steadied him and told him Allah would never disgrace him. She was the first person on earth to believe.
The women of Madinah went to the Prophet ﷺ and said: the men have taken all your time, give us a day of our own. He did. He set a day to teach the women.
Sahih al-Bukhari 3 · Sahih al-Bukhari 101
And his wife 'A'ishah became one of the greatest teachers this religion has ever had. A great share of what Muslims know about how he lived, prayed and loved comes through her. Senior men of his Companions came to her with their questions. Women's learning is not tolerated in Islam. It is part of the foundation.
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The mother
وَوَصَّيْنَا ٱلْإِنسَٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُۥ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍۢ وَفِصَٰلُهُۥ فِى عَامَيْنِ
Wa wassaynal-insana bi-walidayh, hamalat-hu ummuhu wahnan 'ala wahn, wa fisaluhu fi 'amayn
And We have commanded man concerning his parents. His mother carried him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. (Surah Luqman 31:14, a part)
Weakness upon weakness. The Quran names what the pregnancy, the birth and the nights cost her (Al-Ahqaf 46:15). It does not pretend motherhood is easy. It honors it because it is hard.
A man asked the Prophet ﷺ who most deserves his good company. He said: your mother. Then who? Your mother. Then who? Your mother. Only then: your father. Another man came wanting to go to battle, and the Prophet ﷺ asked if he had a mother. Stay with her, he said, for Paradise is beneath her feet.
Quran 46:15 · Sahih al-Bukhari 5971 · Sunan an-Nasa'i 3104 · Sahih (Darussalam)
If you are a mother whose work is invisible, Allah has made it the road to Paradise for your children. They are commanded to serve you.
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The daughter
In the Arabia the Quran came to, some fathers buried newborn daughters alive. The Quran describes the father's face going dark at the news of a girl, and condemns him (An-Nahl 16:58 to 59). Then it gives that buried girl a voice on the Day of Judgment.
وَإِذَا ٱلْمَوْءُۥدَةُ سُئِلَتْ بِأَىِّ ذَنۢبٍۢ قُتِلَتْ
Wa idhal-maw'udatu su'ilat. Bi-ayyi dhanbin qutilat
And when the girl buried alive is asked, for what sin she was killed. (Surah At-Takwir 81:8 to 9)
Allah will ask her, in front of everyone, so that the one who wronged her answers. And the Prophet ﷺ turned the shame around completely: whoever raises two girls well until they are grown will be with me on the Day of Resurrection like this, and he joined his fingers together. Whoever is tested with daughters and is good to them, they will be a shield for him from the Fire.
Quran 16:58-59 · Sahih Muslim 2631 · Sahih al-Bukhari 1418
A daughter is not a burden in Islam. She is a man's way to the side of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ.
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The woman alone
The widow, the divorced woman, the woman with no one. The Prophet ﷺ said: the one who looks after a widow or a poor person is like one who fights in the path of Allah, or one who prays all night and fasts all day.
A woman left alone was never meant to be left alone. Caring for her is counted among the highest acts of worship. If you are raising children by yourself, I wrote for you in When the Struggle Will Not Let Up.
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Where Muslims have failed you
I promised I would come back to this. There are Muslim men who hit their wives. There are families that force their daughters to marry. There are cultures that keep women from their inheritance, from learning, from the masjid. There are men who quote half a verse to control a woman and never quote the verse that commands them to live with her in kindness.
I will not pretend they do not exist. I will say plainly that they are failing the religion, not following it. Every one of those wrongs is answered by the text and the life you just read. The Prophet ﷺ cancelled a forced marriage. He never struck a woman. He called the best man the one best to his family. A Muslim who does otherwise is not showing you Islam. He is showing you his own disobedience, and he will answer for it.
Judge the religion by its Book and its Messenger ﷺ, not by its worst followers. That is the same fairness you would ask for yourself.
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What life should be like
A woman honored by her Lord before she lifts a finger. Provided for by right, not by favor. Her money her own, her name her own, her yes her own and her way out her own. Married by covenant, not by convenience. Treated with kindness by command. Valued for her heart and her deeds, not her face. Her mind taught. Her motherhood made a gate to Paradise. Her daughterhood made an honor. Never left alone.
That is not a fantasy. It is written, and it was lived. Many Muslim women live it today in quiet homes you will never see on the news.
If you are not Muslim and something in this reached you, do not take my word for it. Read the Quran for yourself. Start with Al-Fatiha and An-Nisa, the surah named for women. The surah guides in Quran Study walk through every one, line by line. And if you have questions, ask them. You were honored before you ever asked. You are allowed to look.
And We have certainly honored the children of Adam.
By Mike Rashid King • Allah's Humble Servant